is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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