just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
