I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
