So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
