Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
