just tell him i said nine months
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
