She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
