I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
