how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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