Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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