How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
