I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
