4 words: hood of his car
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
