fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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