Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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