I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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