All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
