oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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