I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
