New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
