the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
