But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
