We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
