sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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