So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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