who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
