Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
