he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
