remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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