She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
