no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
