If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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