ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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