For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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