if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
