Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
