and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
