so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
