She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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