Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
