he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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