i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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