You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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