Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
