the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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