He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
