I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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