Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
