i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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