no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
