if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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