I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize