Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
