He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
