Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
