I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
