her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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