I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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