Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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