I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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