she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
