So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
