I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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