i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
