Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
