In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
