I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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