i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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