I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
