I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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