one two three fourrrrnication!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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