Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
