Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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