Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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