I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
