was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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