I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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